Straight $ Homey

The Itch is Getting Stronger. Football is Less than 2 Weeks Away.

P.S. The Patriots offense is going to be the best in the league this season. Mark it down.

Jolly John No More?

Maine automobile marketing icon John Pulsifer, who began selling cars in 1958, is selling his Chrysler Dodge Jeep dealership in Saco. The dealership is being purchased by Bill Waldron, owner of Portland Volvo and Portland Saab in Scarborough. Waldron will take over Wednesday, Pulsifer said, although he expects to stay on until the transfer is authorized by Chrysler later this fall. Pulsifer said Waldron made a proposal in July, and after considering it, he decided to sell. The purchase price wasn't disclosed. Pulsifer is widely known as Jolly John, an advertising persona he assumed in media ads nearly 30 years ago. Now 73, Pulsifer said he's not sure what he'll be doing after leaving the car dealership. "A new chapter in my life is about to open," he said.

Wow, so this is the end uh? For those of you not familiar with the jolly one, he was a polarizing figure, who's commercials provided incessant entertainment for nearly 30 years. A Southern Maine staple, I figured John would've kept his gig until the day he died. Or, perhaps he would've passed on the Jolly torch to one of his son's, assuming he has one with the charisma like his old man. I like how Jolly John says, "A new chapter in my life is about to open." Nothing can live up to thrill of being the jolliest S.O.B in town. I can picture him playing bingo, recounting all of his crazy stories to the other elders, getting mad and then screaming, 'If you wanna pay more, that's youuur business, if you wanna pay less, that's aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh business!'

Best Drunk Food's

We've all been there. Two a.m. after the bars are letting out, and you're gone. Not totally gone, but let's just say tomorrow is going to be a day full of water, ginger ale, and maybe some greasy food. Speaking of greasy food, that is what your stomach is undoubtedly craving by the time last call rolls around. People will pay top dollar for a big piece of pizza or a McDonald's cheeseburger by this time. Hell, where I went to school there was a bagel shop that was open till real late, and because it was on the walk back to campus and the only thing open, kids would flock to it. This was a bagel shop. Repeat. Bagels. I can eat two bagels in the morning. The owner would naturally charge whatever he wanted for the bagel and the trouble you were probably causing. $5, $10 maybe. I may have even been a victim. They weren't even that good bagels. Again, people will shell out some serious dough for drunk munchies. Without further adieu, here is my list of favorite drunk foods (Discretion: this list is subject to change at any time):

1. Pizza: In terms of price/tastiness/reliability/easy handling, pizza is my favorite drunk food. Nothing beats a good slice. At $3 a pop, and often somewhat filling, pizza is always on my mind. The greasiness, cheese, and sauce mixture is a mix of ecstasy for any drunkard, and a topping only adds to the tastiness. It's hard to screw up a slice of pizza (somehow Dominos doesn't yet understand this), which makes it my top pick.

2. Burgers: A pizza burger would be even better, but a cheeseburger is something I have a hard time turning down. Like pizza, it is easy to avoid getting it all over you, and like pizza, it is greasy goodness. It's grilled ground beef, topped with cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, and maybe bacon if you're lucky. MMMM BACON.

3. Wings: Chicken wings are great for football, so they're naturally great for drunk eating. Not only are they delicious, but they come in multiple flavors, with multiple dipping sauces as well. My preference - old bay wings with blue cheese dipping sauce.

4. Burritos: One of my favorite foods, but a food that requires a lot of attention. Hopefully you are able to sit down, or otherwise you may find your burrito on the ground or all over yourself. The combination of meat, beans, veggies, and cheese is bound to even help sober John Daly up.

5. Absolutely Anything: Let's face it, after pounding down a dozen brews and some jaeger bombs, all anyone wants is something to munch on (or water if you like that). That's probably why you see some people eat dog treats at parties. It's not because they're getting tricked or are completely smashed, it's because they're starved. Anything in the fridge (store) will do, and anything is fair game. The lesson when drinking, of course is, bring plenty of cash for food.

Papel-boner No More

What the hell happened to Jonathan Pabelbon's elite closer status. Don't get me wrong, he was never on the level of Mo Rivera, but if his stats from previous years look pretty dominant. Even last season, when he didn't look the same, he put up an ERA of 1.85 with 38 saves in 41 chances. He did, however, blow game three against the Angels to eliminate the Sox from the playoffs.

It is clearly evident that hitters aren't as afraid of Papelbon as they once were. The fact that his splitter isn't always reliable makes his fastball that much more hittable. He can still crank it back to 97-98mph at times, but typically settles into the 95mph range. Even if you hit 100mph, once major league hitters have seen it a number of times, they can hit it out of the yard.

Because hitters have seemingly caught on to Papelbon this season, it would be safe to assume that he is becoming more aware of this. He is, to the tune of 19 walks in 49 innings already this season. His previous high in walks came last year in fact, when he recorded 24 walks. His SO/BB ratio is at a career low 2.37, while last year it was just at 3.17. That is quite alarming considering his previous low (not inluding when he started a handful of games in 2005) was 5.60 when his ERA was 1.85 in 2007.

Papelbon, like the rest of us, realizes that his time in Boston is coming to an end (if not after this season, then sometime thereafter). Daniel Bard is ready to take over right now, he is much younger than Papelbon, and his stuff is absolutely filthy. To say that Papelbon is awful and needs to be shipped out of town is 100% wrong. The guy still has great stuff and is a top-half of the league closer. He won a world series and has closed out meaningful games for the Sox. Closing in baseball is one of the toughest jobs to do. It is amazing how many times a closer is an All-Star one year, and the next year he's out of his closer role by May. The position is so important, however, and team's that expect to go deep in the postseason need to have a top-end closer (an underrated part of the Yankees dominance has been Rivera).

I don't what Terry Francona should do this season. Keep Papelbon as closer and lose a couple more heartbreak's, or establish Bard as the closer for the rest of the season and risk losing Papelbon's confidence entirely. I'm glad I'm not in the position to decide.